1
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,040
LOUD BRUSHING SOUND

2
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:44,480
NORA: Give it here!

3
00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:49,520
We'll have one more.
Oh, good(!) Don't you want to help?

4
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:54,640
'Course I do!
How CAN you lie like that? I have to.

5
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:57,980
Wrong answers get me into bother.

6
00:01:00,540 --> 00:01:05,640
Can't tha find a softer brush?
There's folk trying to sleep here.

7
00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,260
It's time you were up.

8
00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:12,280
I know!
Best time of all for a lie-in.

9
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:19,320
Get dressed!
I don't want people thinking I talk to half-naked neighbours.

10
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:25,960
Wrap a stocking around
them bristles, like tha does thee legs.

11
00:01:28,060 --> 00:01:34,020
Don't start talking about me legs!
You're always talking about me legs!

12
00:01:34,020 --> 00:01:38,340
Not all your legs.
Just that bit what shows.

13
00:01:39,380 --> 00:01:43,660
Did you hear him?!
Where do you want this bucket?

14
00:01:43,660 --> 00:01:47,180
Oh, that's it!
Show some concern!

15
00:01:47,180 --> 00:01:51,780
How can you stand there
while a man insults me?

16
00:01:51,780 --> 00:01:55,520
It's not easy,
with a full bucket!

17
00:01:55,980 --> 00:02:01,140
Nobody's insulting thee.
There you are. See?

18
00:02:01,140 --> 00:02:05,040
I'd like to see thee
in showroom condition.

19
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:12,740
He'd like to see thee...
Don't repeat him! Are you a husband or a parrot?

20
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,080
Who's a clever boy, then?!

21
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:31,200
It's only me. Can I come in?
Come in, Howard.

22
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:34,400
I can't stop. Goodbye, Howard.

23
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,940
Not just yet!

24
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:43,420
If Pearl comes in, we tell her
I popped in to borrow something.

25
00:02:43,420 --> 00:02:48,720
What? I don't know.
Do I have to think of everything?

26
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,580
It has to be a thing you haven't got,

27
00:02:51,580 --> 00:02:56,640
to explain why I haven't got it
when she asks me what I've got.

28
00:02:57,740 --> 00:03:02,820
What do you want? You sound like
I only come when I want something.

29
00:03:02,820 --> 00:03:07,520
You only come looking guilty
when you want something.

30
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,940
Do I look guilty?

31
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,080
I do, don't I?

32
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:22,760
Do you think Pearl noticed?
She doesn't miss much. The wives around here are trained to notice.

33
00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:25,780
When southern girls play with dolls,

34
00:03:25,780 --> 00:03:31,360
the girls here practise
Lie Recognition and Unarmed Wedlock.

35
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,520
That's it. Go on. Cheer me up.

36
00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:59,171
Oh, I don't know why
I should feel guilty all the time.

37
00:03:59,171 --> 00:04:03,011
Marina? Not so loud!

38
00:04:03,011 --> 00:04:05,611
(Marina.) Even THAT's loud.

39
00:04:05,611 --> 00:04:06,931
Mmm.

40
00:04:06,931 --> 00:04:09,151
I want you to do me a favour, Clegg.

41
00:04:09,151 --> 00:04:13,651
You know I will, as long as I don't
get caught between Pearl and Marina.

42
00:04:13,651 --> 00:04:16,351
I wish you'd stop shouting!

43
00:04:16,351 --> 00:04:21,491
You've been such a quiet neighbour
and suddenly you start shouting!

44
00:04:21,491 --> 00:04:29,071
I want you to take this note
and give it to Marina. What?! In the supermarket. Oh, no!

45
00:04:29,071 --> 00:04:34,451
Where's the harm? She's just
a young lady who shares my interest

46
00:04:34,451 --> 00:04:37,571
in the local stone-age burial sites.

47
00:04:37,571 --> 00:04:40,751
In high heels, Howard?

48
00:04:40,751 --> 00:04:46,491
I don't see why archaeology
should be dull...do you?

49
00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:52,831
It's terrible when you
can't trust your own husband!

50
00:04:52,831 --> 00:04:58,151
Don't think of it as terrible.
Look at it as a fact of life.

51
00:04:58,151 --> 00:05:02,371
Has yours ever had
any interest in the opposite sex?

52
00:05:02,371 --> 00:05:09,371
I like to think
he was motivated along those lines when he asked me to marry him.

53
00:05:09,371 --> 00:05:11,911
What about other women?

54
00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:15,971
Oh, in the early days.
What did you do?

55
00:05:15,971 --> 00:05:21,299
I let him buy a 20-year-old
clapped-out Sunbeam tourer. Complete rebuild required.

56
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:28,520
I've never looked back since!
Howard wouldn't fancy a clapped-out old banger.

57
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:33,480
There are some who say
that's just what she looks like.

58
00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:36,980
Wears too much make-up.
True...

59
00:05:36,980 --> 00:05:44,060
But where's the virtue
in looking like you've just had a serious operation?

60
00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:50,460
You tell it like it is,
don't you, Edie? If it may help, love.

61
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:06,500
Pearl! Back already?
What are you up to?

62
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,260
I...popped in to borrow something.

63
00:06:09,260 --> 00:06:11,280
What?

64
00:06:12,780 --> 00:06:15,300
What are you borrowing?

65
00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:18,060
Budgie seed. Superglue.

66
00:06:18,060 --> 00:06:20,940
I hadn't got it... Both... Neither!

67
00:06:20,940 --> 00:06:24,480
What do you want with budgie seed?

68
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:28,760
I...was going to feed this bluetit.
He looked hungry.

69
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:33,080
I can't wait
to hear about the Superglue!

70
00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:41,900
To stick the budgie seed somewhere
safe. Out of reach of cats. That's it! The cats!

71
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:52,560
You don't think she suspected?

72
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:57,600
Underneath that nervous exterior,
you're really an optimist, Howard.

73
00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:03,320
I am. I really am. I think
I was built for a warmer climate.

74
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:07,060
Once you get home,
it'll get warmer!

75
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:13,900
You don't think she believed
the budgie seed? Goodbye, Howard.

76
00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:17,420
You'll not forget the note.

77
00:07:17,420 --> 00:07:20,260
Cross my heart with Superglue.

78
00:08:00,811 --> 00:08:04,331
Seymour? ..What's all this then?

79
00:08:04,331 --> 00:08:09,831
What d'you mean, who am I?
You know who I am! It's Wesley!

80
00:08:09,831 --> 00:08:15,231
How am I supposed to prove it
on the telephone?

81
00:08:17,191 --> 00:08:23,291
Dammit, I'm your brother-in-law!
I brought those gears and sprockets you're wanting.

82
00:08:23,291 --> 00:08:26,751
Will I what? Fetch your milk bottle?

83
00:08:28,811 --> 00:08:32,791
Cripes! He's even
keeping the milkman out!

84
00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:10,791
ALARM RINGS...STOPS WHEN IT'S KICKED

85
00:09:10,791 --> 00:09:13,791
ALARM RINGS AGAIN

86
00:09:15,711 --> 00:09:18,591
ALARM STOPS

87
00:09:23,951 --> 00:09:27,431
Of course I'm keeping
the milkman out!

88
00:09:27,431 --> 00:09:32,471
A milkman's outfit is a perfect
cover for stealing secrets!

89
00:09:32,471 --> 00:09:40,031
All those leaks in Whitehall.
Moles in high places? Bull! It's the milkman!

90
00:09:52,331 --> 00:09:54,791
That's �4.60.

91
00:09:58,971 --> 00:10:01,991
Bye-bye, now!

92
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,480
Hey up, it's a lady's excuse me!

93
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:47,080
Will you leave that poor woman
alone?! Honestly!

94
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:52,040
She came in for breakfast
and suddenly she'd getting more exercise than Howard and Marina!

95
00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:54,560
ARGH!

96
00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:59,520
You are very chunky, you know that?
Do you reverse? I certainly do!

97
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:05,740
Argh! Now sit yourself down
and don't move!

98
00:12:05,740 --> 00:12:08,260
By heck, that were a funny step!

99
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:14,320
That were a new one on me.
Never seen that on "Come Dancing".

100
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,940
Hey up, Crush! What time is it?!

101
00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:20,460
I don't know. Haven't got a watch.

102
00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:22,920
I had a fancy digital

103
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:28,520
and I could tell what time
it were in Tokyo, which I found incredibly useful.

104
00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:33,300
It were waterproof to 50 feet,
but I tell thee...

105
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:36,760
One dose of ferret pee at sea level,

106
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,440
and Tokyo ground to a halt!

107
00:12:40,620 --> 00:12:44,240
Have a guess what time it is.
Relax!

108
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:49,600
You'll hear the timer!
..His first steak and kidney pudding.

109
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:54,800
I'd never have done it,
if I'd known he'd be so broody!

110
00:12:55,220 --> 00:12:57,800
Congratulations, Crusher!

111
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,200
Tha first steak and kidney pud!

112
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:08,920
I hope it's not always going to be
like this. All this waiting.

113
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:14,960
If I could just have a peep!
Oh, all right! But it won't be ready yet!

114
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,920
Wait, Milburn!
I don't want you mauling it about!

115
00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:25,800
Hey up! It's Grocery Man!

116
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,640
What's all this, then? Don't ask me.

117
00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:37,760
"Ladies' Elastic Stocking"?

118
00:13:38,140 --> 00:13:40,660
Oh, damn. I haven't, have I?

119
00:13:40,660 --> 00:13:43,960
Three hairnets

120
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,520
and a styling comb?

121
00:13:47,740 --> 00:13:49,980
Listen, Norman, listen, listen.

122
00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:54,720
Is there something tha feels
tha ought to be telling me?

123
00:13:55,240 --> 00:14:00,240
Norman, tha knows!
If ever tha needs a friend!

124
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,520
But not too CLOSE a friend!

125
00:14:10,779 --> 00:14:14,239
Your Seymour's being...
OUT!

126
00:14:14,239 --> 00:14:16,819
..really secretive!
OUT!

127
00:14:23,219 --> 00:14:26,699
What do you want?
Can I come in?

128
00:14:27,239 --> 00:14:32,899
What is it?
We must stop meeting like this!

129
00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:38,959
We bought you a big shed.
Now, I'm not keen on sheds.

130
00:14:38,959 --> 00:14:46,159
There's something very
underprivileged about sheds. But you wanted one. You always have.

131
00:14:46,159 --> 00:14:49,219
So?
So we got you a shed. So?

132
00:14:49,219 --> 00:14:53,659
So why burst into my kitchen?
I live here!

133
00:14:54,739 --> 00:14:58,699
You've always got
some glib excuse!

134
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:05,299
We never talk these days.
"These days"? We never HAVE talked!

135
00:15:06,159 --> 00:15:12,159
Whose fault is that? I'm always
ready to talk. Oh, yes? What about?

136
00:15:12,159 --> 00:15:18,119
Vintage motor cars!
And that's it! Vintage motor cars!

137
00:15:18,119 --> 00:15:20,979
Be fair! I have wider interests.

138
00:15:20,979 --> 00:15:25,859
I'm also into Veteran
and Post Vintage Thoroughbreds.

139
00:15:25,859 --> 00:15:29,899
It's like living
with a perpetual breakdown.

140
00:15:29,899 --> 00:15:34,959
Other women have husbands -
I've got this RAC patrolman.

141
00:15:34,959 --> 00:15:40,699
Me own live-in mechanic.
Live-in?! I can't even GET in!

142
00:15:40,699 --> 00:15:44,719
I've just done the floor!
What is it you wanted?

143
00:15:44,719 --> 00:15:48,619
I'm wondering what
Seymour's hiding.

144
00:15:48,619 --> 00:15:53,879
Oh, you're so nosy
and gossipy, you men!

145
00:15:53,879 --> 00:15:59,419
Which reminds me,
they're all talking about her next-door to Simpsons.

146
00:15:59,419 --> 00:16:02,339
What? What?

147
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,500
"Killer Dogs"?

148
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,980
HORN HONKS

149
00:16:36,020 --> 00:16:41,060
What do you want? I've come
to read your meter. Who are you?

150
00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:46,140
It's written all over the van. I'm
not the Huddersfield Girls Choir!

151
00:16:46,140 --> 00:16:51,180
I don't like your attitude.
I'm not mad about your killer dogs!

152
00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:56,180
Don't worry. They're round the back
finishing off the last caller.

153
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:03,180
Have you any identification?

154
00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:06,100
I'm in uniform. Isn't that enough?

155
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:11,460
I need a note of the next-of-kin.
Forget it!

156
00:17:35,037 --> 00:17:39,197
Hey up!
He's got summat brewing!

157
00:17:39,197 --> 00:17:46,717
What is it? Has he said anything
to you? Not a word. HORN HONKS

158
00:18:00,677 --> 00:18:05,637
By heck! This modern electricity's
faster than it used to be!

159
00:18:06,177 --> 00:18:10,157
Looks like Seymour made
a big impression!

160
00:18:19,237 --> 00:18:24,297
He's such a flannel merchant!
It's probably nowt.

161
00:18:24,297 --> 00:18:31,517
What's he talked about lately?
Paper gloves for eating fish and chips...

162
00:18:31,517 --> 00:18:36,537
We've had no sign of the heated
knife for spreading cold butter.

163
00:18:36,537 --> 00:18:40,517
Non-stick marmalade
hasn't surfaced either.

164
00:18:50,817 --> 00:18:56,457
Don't tha think tha's overdoing it?
You can't be too careful!

165
00:18:56,457 --> 00:19:04,017
I've just had somebody posing as
a worker for the Electricity Board. Well, there's a lot of them about.

166
00:19:04,017 --> 00:19:11,697
He DOES work for the Electricity
Board! He lives on Denby Street. Oh. If you can vouch for him, fine!

167
00:19:11,697 --> 00:19:19,197
Seymour, I don't want to be in
breach of the Official Secrets Act, but what have you come up with?

168
00:19:19,197 --> 00:19:23,657
What have I come up with?
What have I come up with?

169
00:19:23,657 --> 00:19:31,377
That's what HE said!
What have tha come up with? Every inventor's dream!

170
00:19:31,377 --> 00:19:37,997
The right machine
at the right price! What machine?! Keep your voice down!

171
00:19:37,997 --> 00:19:42,057
Let's go inside.
We may be being watched.

172
00:21:54,634 --> 00:22:00,954
Rendered speechless, are we?
Little gasps of admiration, is it? I know.

173
00:22:00,954 --> 00:22:04,794
You feel guilty
for misjudging old Seymour.

174
00:22:04,794 --> 00:22:10,034
What in the name
of the outside loo is that?

175
00:22:12,694 --> 00:22:18,654
Haven't you any idea?
Have you no technological grasp? ..You tell him!

176
00:22:19,854 --> 00:22:22,514
Eh, I'm not sure about the colour.

177
00:22:22,514 --> 00:22:26,254
This is just
a rough working prototype!

178
00:22:26,254 --> 00:22:30,774
Oh! If it's just
a rough working prototype...!

179
00:22:30,774 --> 00:22:33,234
What's a prototype?

180
00:22:33,714 --> 00:22:39,694
It's not important! You got that
bit right. It looks not important.

181
00:22:39,694 --> 00:22:43,074
It's a Go-Anywhere Drill.

182
00:22:44,354 --> 00:22:50,074
Where are you going? Anywhere.
Look at it!

183
00:22:50,074 --> 00:22:53,614
What's it do?
Drills holes for poles.

184
00:22:53,614 --> 00:22:56,634
Oh. Not Ukrainians or Latvians?

185
00:22:57,734 --> 00:23:05,654
Telephone poles, gate posts,
fence posts. Everywhere you look, people need holes.

186
00:23:05,654 --> 00:23:08,374
Unless they're wearing their own!

187
00:23:08,374 --> 00:23:14,634
It'll never work!
How can you say that, until you've tried it?!

188
00:23:15,154 --> 00:23:17,594
No, no!

189
00:23:28,314 --> 00:23:33,674
Seymour. Yeah? He says there's
no engine. Of course there isn't!

190
00:23:33,674 --> 00:23:38,774
He has to pedal it. That's why
it's in range of everyone's pocket.

191
00:23:41,434 --> 00:23:44,534
He says, "Chuffin' heck!"

192
00:23:44,534 --> 00:23:51,554
Is he in the saddle?
It's hard to see with the screens. That's what they're for!

193
00:23:51,554 --> 00:23:55,614
He says do we need the screens?
Of course!

194
00:23:55,614 --> 00:24:02,674
You don't think
Jaguar go testing their new models without screening them a bit!

195
00:24:05,434 --> 00:24:08,194
He says, "A bit? Call this a bit?"

196
00:24:08,194 --> 00:24:13,774
Is he ready or not?
Yes, he's ready. He's, um, ready.

197
00:24:37,714 --> 00:24:40,474
I can't ride it like this!

198
00:24:40,474 --> 00:24:44,874
But you ARE riding it!
Isn't he doing well?

199
00:24:45,694 --> 00:24:48,194
Well...

200
00:24:48,194 --> 00:24:52,574
Yes, you're doing well.
It's an historic moment!

201
00:24:52,574 --> 00:25:00,074
Ride it up and down. Get the feel
of it. Oh, I got the feel of it. I feel a right pillock.

202
00:25:02,014 --> 00:25:05,994
Tell him he looks rather dashing
and mysterious.

203
00:25:07,114 --> 00:25:12,134
Psst. Seymour says you look rather
dashing and mysterious.

204
00:25:12,134 --> 00:25:14,634
Ah, but what does THEE think?

205
00:25:15,394 --> 00:25:21,334
Do you value the opinion of a man
who buys ladies' elastic stockings?

206
00:25:38,214 --> 00:25:40,714
Very good! Isn't he doing well?

207
00:25:51,634 --> 00:25:55,074
Howard.
Marina!

208
00:25:57,174 --> 00:25:59,634
I got your note.

209
00:26:00,494 --> 00:26:02,914
I'm glad.

210
00:26:05,914 --> 00:26:08,494
I can't stop long.

211
00:26:08,494 --> 00:26:16,114
I know.
I've been sent for two prawn curries and a...sweet and sour pork!

212
00:26:16,554 --> 00:26:19,974
I like their
sweet and sour pork.

213
00:26:25,674 --> 00:26:28,834
Howard?
Yes, love?

214
00:26:28,954 --> 00:26:33,714
Can I ask you something?
Anything, pet.

215
00:26:34,434 --> 00:26:39,394
Why does Norman Clegg
buy ladies' elastic stockings?

216
00:26:42,434 --> 00:26:46,774
Howard? Why are you
struggling to break free?

217
00:26:46,774 --> 00:26:49,414
Is it something I said?

218
00:26:49,414 --> 00:26:52,934
Why have you gone all red?

219
00:26:52,934 --> 00:27:00,374
What is it?
It's two prawn curries and a sweet and sour pork!

220
00:27:00,374 --> 00:27:06,114
Couldn't you get them
on the way back? There's always such a queue!

221
00:27:14,434 --> 00:27:18,994
Did you see that?!
What was it?

222
00:27:20,074 --> 00:27:23,734
You're crushing
me prawns, love!

223
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:27,000
Bring it over here!
The ground's fine for drilling!

224
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:40,440
Hold on. Right.
Disengage forward propulsion.

225
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:47,280
Engage drilling mechanism. Urgh!
Now, pedal!

226
00:29:05,980 --> 00:29:08,400
You...twit!

227
00:29:15,020 --> 00:29:21,000
It just needs a bit
of extra weight. Yes. All right, get on.

228
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:25,000
Me?! Yes!
Come on, on you get.

229
00:29:25,580 --> 00:29:28,000
Right. Pedal!

230
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:36,760
That's it! That's it!
It works!

231
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:01,800
At last I'm on to something big!
Potential unlimited!

232
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:06,120
We can drill for minerals,
fossil fuels.

233
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:13,880
Oil on the water! Look!
There's a film of oil on the top!

234
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:18,620
That means
it's round here somewhere!

235
00:30:18,620 --> 00:30:22,360
Probably a vast untapped source!

236
00:30:29,180 --> 00:30:31,700
Back to the drill!

237
00:30:32,140 --> 00:30:35,200
WE'RE going to drill for oil?

238
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:41,180
Certainly!
But they use a big... Exactly!

239
00:30:41,180 --> 00:30:47,420
Think how much more convenient
this will be than a damn great rig in the North Sea!

240
00:30:47,420 --> 00:30:50,020
He's got a point there, Norm.

241
00:30:50,020 --> 00:30:52,700
Yes, but it's not a very big point!

242
00:30:52,700 --> 00:31:00,660
I thought oil was deep. Well, yes,
a lot of it is. But we're after the finer stuff near the surface.

243
00:31:00,660 --> 00:31:03,200
Let the others go for the dregs!

244
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:09,500
We'll try here. Why here?
Don't argue! I'm not just guessing!

245
00:31:09,500 --> 00:31:14,660
I judge things scientifically.
Pedal her in. Let's have a try.

246
00:31:14,660 --> 00:31:18,920
MUSIC: THEME FROM "DALLAS"

247
00:31:27,820 --> 00:31:30,380
That's it! Faster!

248
00:31:30,380 --> 00:31:32,820
Stop!

249
00:31:36,220 --> 00:31:38,680
And...pedal!

250
00:31:50,340 --> 00:31:54,180
RUMBLING UNDERGROUND

251
00:32:49,100 --> 00:32:52,100
Subtitles by BBC

252
00:32:52,150 --> 00:32:56,700
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